Breathing

Upon hearing the news of the baby and my pending medical leave, a California colleague of mine suggested that I try some natural therapies, like meditation and positive visualization, to keep my anxiety in check. Given that we are in Spain and those types of therapies are not as prevalent as in California (and that is being polite), I spluttered something fairly sardonic into the phone at her suggestion.

But upon further consideration, I wondered if maybe there was something to her ideas. My friend Rupert knows a thing or two about meditation and visualization techniques and the other night at dinner, as I commented about this colleague's recommendations, he promptly did a quick 101 on how to do deep breathing to quieten anxiety.

Rupert theorized that too many people focus too much time on the mantra of mind over matter. Asking someone who is anxious to concentrate the mind is a losing proposition for most people. In reality, he said, you need to be physiologically calm before your mind can begin to exert its admittedly powerful influence. To reach a tranquil state, he said, the best thing to start with is something simple and physical, like breathing.

So, there we were at table in an elegant Barcelona restaurant, breathing deeply through our noses, holding in the air for a second or two, and then exhaling in a very meaningful way over our desserts. I wonder what the other diners thought of us. I decided to try it once I was home.

For those of you who do not know me well, I should explain that deciding to try something like this represents a fairly significant departure from the normal Mary. I am no tree hugger and am a self-described skeptic where many alternative therapies are concerned. It is not that I categorically disbelieve them. But I am generally skeptical of the types of people who promote them (Rupert excepted, of course) because I find that these therapies can act as a magnet for charlatans: it can be difficult to separate the skilled practitioners from the downright inept. Also, I like results based on clear evidence. I don't like wishy-washiness.

In this case, I got home and decided to try the deep breathing that very night. Lo and behold, it actually worked. For the past four nights, I have been doing at least ten deep, conscious, steady breaths a night before bed and they have helped to put me in a state where I am ready to sleep. In the moments throughout the day and especially when I wake up, where I have not felt the baby move for a few minutes and have begun to panic, I have done some deep breathing and again, it has helped.

These breathing exercises have also unearthed a heretofore unknown skill in Demian: his ability to calm me down just by talking to me. The timbre of his voice works as a palliative on my anxiety when I do this type of breathing. His voice sort of coats me with a thick, smooth blanket of words and I just drift off. This is not to say that he is boring me to sleep of course, just that his voice is soothing, like a narcotic. Amazingly, it really, really helps.

My friends Julie and Rob are also very knowledgeable about alternative therapies like meditation and yoga, so maybe I will end up spending the next few weeks sitting on my living room floor, following their long distance instructions for how to relax and focus the mind. There are worse ways I could spend my time.